After a hard fought battle of the bands tournament sponsored by Cold Slither Productions, one group has set themselves apart from the rest as the greatest fictional musical act in pop culture history and that band is Dr Teeth and The Electric Mayhem. The members of this Monumental Muppet Musical Act made a rare public appearance upon winning Cold Slither Madness and we were, of course, there to cover it. For National Puppet Radio, I’m Rhett Kahn.
Cats and kittens, I want to humbly thank you all for bringing yourselves to our celebrationary press conference! Before I begin my well deserved and justifiably justified self congratulations, I want to send a big thank you to our worth-ish adversaries Jem and The Holograms, for their dignified response to their inevitable defeat at the smooth and funky, rock and roll hands of myself and my Electric Mayhem. Those little ladies did a great job with their tunes and I wish them all the coolest luck going forward.
But we all know you fine members of the press haven’t brought yourselves into my presence to hear about a a neon 80’s girl band, no, you came for the Mayhem! And so without any more ado’s I would like to introduce my righteous musical family to you and give them each a moment at the mico-rophone! But first, I want to take a moment to thank two of our founding members who couldn’t be with us tonight. Jim and Steve, we would not be anywhere if it wasn’t for you.
First, my friend and yours, he swings, he sings, he plays those strings, our bass guitarist, Floyd Pepper!
“Say where are we Dr? I thought we was gonna play a gig. All this talking is pure dullsville. Thanks for the awards and what-not though everybody. It was uh…real groovy of you.”
Next, that goldie-locked shining star on the lead guitar, Janice!
“Waaaaaay Far out fer sure”
Our home-grown, bad to the bone, maestro on the saxophone, Zoot!
“I uh…don’t do to good with the public speaking.”
Last but not least…On drums it’s that m-
ANIMAL! ANIMAL! KILL HOLOGRAMS!!! DRUM NOWWWW!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! FOOD!!!!!! WOMAN!!!!!!!!!! COLDSLITHERBATTLEOFTHEBANDSCONTESTTOPROVEONCEANDFORALLTHATTHOUGHA BANDMIGHTBEFICTIONALITSHOULDNTDISTRACTFROMTHECULTURALSIGNIFICANCE OFTHEART THEYCREATEUSINGTHEMEDIUMOFMUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha well we are all pretty jazzed to be here tonight, in the spotlight, feelin’ like winners and feelin’ right. I want to let you know that all those music makers in this contest fought hard performed nobly, and blasted sweet melodies. The sweet melodies comin’ from my expertise at ticklin’ those ivories was just a little bit sweeter.
We all showed up for different reasons, some wanted fame, some sought the glamour, some wanted to escape the law. And, of course, some wanted to buy their mother a piano and replace the whole that they put in her washtub to make one of the primitive but charming instruments necessary for their style of music. But in the end we won, and I think we won because we had the most noble goal of all. Sweet, sweet money. Now lay the beautiful lettuce on us!
Thank you all!