Mary J. Blige sings the recipe for BK’s new chicken snack wraps…

Recently, Mary J. Blige appeared in a commercial for Burger King to promote their new chicken wraps (how are wraps different from burritos? no clue!). Suffice to say, having “The Queen of Hip-Hop Soul” in a fast food ad is creating a lot of uproar online.  But as we well know, this ain’t the first time this has happened.

(Update: Per Burger King: “The Mary J. Blige advertisement has been pulled due to a licensing issue. BURGER KING® expects to have the Blige ads back on air soon.”- credit: Gawker.com)

Darius Rucker for Burger King’s Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

The frontman of popular 90s rock band Hootie and the Blowfish went the endorsement route with Burger King in 2004 to promote their new crispy chicken breast sandwich covered in bacon and slathered in ranch dressing (sounds tasty, now that I think about it). He cranked out a series of ads wearing a very gaudy cowboy outfit, strumming country melodies on his gee-tar and crooning such lyrics like

Folks don’t front you cause you got the juice
There’s a train of ladies comin’ with a nice caboose
Never get in trouble, never need an excuse
That’s the tender crisp bacon cheddar raaaanch!

As corny as this ad was, it became a huuuuuge sensation on the web, generating several memes. Just as well, many I’ve talked to dug this ad a lot and from what I can tell, this jingle helped propel Darius Rucker’s country music career. So hey, it’s not all bad!

Unknown artists for McDonald’s McNuggets Lovin’

Fast food chain McDonald’s took a sharp turn in their ad campaigns a few years ago by adopting the catchphrase “I’m Lovin’ It!” and focusing more ads on the urban consumers. There were more commercials with hip hop and R&B references, more people of color in their ads and thus with more attention more outrage from people who could see how transparent Mickey D’s was in trying to reach “the hood”. The campaign was created by Heye & Partner, a longtime McDonald’s agency based in Unterhaching, Germany, near Munich (thanks, wiki!).

Now it remains a mystery who are the singers in this commercial  (if you can’t tell, the guy in the video above is lip-synching), but McNuggets Lovin’ is one of those hate-it-or-love-it ads that really looks and sounds like an actual R&B video. It came on TV one day and I had to double-check that my cable box hadn’t auto-switched to BET (which is still banned in Classick Castle, btw). And hey, they even cranked out a sequel, this time a duet introducing the accompanying chili sauce.

Not to be overlooked (edit: actually, I did overlook this,sorry)recording artist Dwele did do an ad for Mickey D’s McCafe line. But I’m sure many of our readers are like “who?”, so I’ll leave this under unsung for now (shout out to TVOne).

As catchy as these ads might be, however, I still pledge allegiance to the fil-A, who don’t need to do TV jingles to bring us boys to the yard.

Jason Alexander for McDonald’s McDLT

Before he was George Costanza on TV’s Seinfeld, before he played the insensitive lawyer from the movie Pretty Woman and most importantly before Duckman, Jason Alexander took to the television airwaves to promote McDonald’s all-new ingenious burger idea of the late 80’s. This ad taught us that when you order a Mickey D’s burger, you can now separate the hot, steamy beef patty and cheese side from the cool, crisp lettuce and tomato side– all while using more than the environment’s fair share of styrofoam! Yes, the McDLT saw a non-bald (hair plugs? toupee? only Sy Sperling knows!) Costanza singing and prancing up and down the streets with various dancers in what can only be described as a precursor to the stuff some of you watch on Glee every week.

But hey, this line is burned into my brain now!

Hot, easy McD!!! Cool, crisp LT!!!
New McD *CLAP, CLAP* L.T.!

I gotta say, Costanza looked like he was having fun doing this, the most fun he’s had until The Summer of George I’d imagine. Mention this ad to him today, and I’m sure he’ll pay someone to have you killed.

M.C. Hammer for Kentucky Fried Chicken’s Popcorn Chicken

M.C. Hammer was the shit in the 90’s. Yes, he wore genie pants. Yes, his raps weren’t on the level of say, Rakim or KRS-One. Yes, he had shows with like 2,000 of his cousins on stage with him at once (that’s a lotta ways to split a check!), but you cannot deny his popularity and entertainment value in the era of teal (The 90s were notorious for working that stupid teal color into every fashion possible. Thanks, Charlotte Hornets, for nothin!)

The significance of this ad? Well, Hammer was considered pop and mainstream early on, but this connection, a black rapper and dancer helping sell fried chicken in TV commercials, was highly panned and ridiculed. Hey, Hammer went and made that endorsement money, I can’t be upset with that. But as history tells us, easy come, easy go. This was one of a series of ads Hammer and his crew did for KFC (couldn’t find the one where he says “PROPER!”).

Longtime comedian Paul Mooney, however, did crack jokes on the ads in one of his standups.

“He could go to his grandmother’s house and get a free piece of chicken better than that popcorn shit!”

M.C. Shan as your waiter at L’Idiot from “L.A. Story”

You remember M.C. Shan, right? He had that song, The Bridge, which he did with legendary hip hop DJ Marley Marl? He went to war with KRS-One and Scott La-Rock over where hip hop started and which borough/radio station had bragging rights in the 80’s rap scene? OK, even if you don’t remember that, you’ll likely remember Shan from his single “Down By Law” or one of the rappers who first went after L.L. Cool J early in his career with his own dis record?

No? That’s OK, this is the obscure part of the article, then. In the 1991 Steve Martin movie “L.A. Story” (Great, funny film, by the way. Go look it up if you’ve never seen it.), Martin’s weatherman Harris Telemacher meanders through life in Los Angeles and at one point tries to book reservations at the exclusive French restaurant L’Idiot (ha ha!!!). Among the variety of actors, actresses, mimes and other performers there waiting tables, we find rap pioneer and legend M.C. Shan bustin a rhyme about the evening’s menu selections. In ’91, I had to rewind on the VCR (yes, that old) several times to hear this rhyme over and over again. And of course, the requisite “wow, Shan fell off!” comments were made. But hey, it’s ALL history now!

Edit:

Ella Fitzgerald (and a young Shanice Wilson) for Kentucky Fried Chicken

Special thanks to my sis and longtime friend, the lovely Lizz Robbins, for reminding me of this one just today! The legendary Ella Fitzgerald is featured in this 1982 TV spot for Kentucky Fried Chicken giving us a jazz lesson. She’s joined by a slew of folks in the background, one of whom is nine year old Shanice Wilson (yes, “I Love Your Smile” Shanice) who joins in on the fun. Can’t say anything was wrong with this ad– sort of puts what artists do today in perspective.

There it is, our look back at people other than Mary who sang to sell you something to eat. So hey, don’t feel bad about it, it’s just part of the capitalist society in which we live. At least until our President gets re-elected and unveils his secret Socialist agenda and makes us all fill out NCAA tournament brackets to prove our citizenship! (kidding!)

Cast your vote!

Hon. mention: Britney Spears and N’Sync were also featured in an ad for McDonald’s, but it was for the short lived HitClips portable music players sold through the restaurants, not for any of the food items. The court of Classick rules this ad as inadmissible.

Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments below!

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Classick Material has put entirely too much thought into this article. If you want to yell, hurl obscenities or even shamelessly offer to hold his gym bag, you can do so on twitter. Classick also hosts The Cold Slither Podcast and is a regular on such fine shows as All Subjects Everything, Ring Time Pro Wrestling, The Black Guy Who Tips and Single Simulcast. He also creeps with McNuggets on the low.